why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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