i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
