just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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