had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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