Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
