come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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