I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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