This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
