Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
