I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
