You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
