While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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