So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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