Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
