What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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