lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
