we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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