1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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