I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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