I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
