Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
