I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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