shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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