Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
