well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
