So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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