remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
