So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
