So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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