So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
