kristin has been a bad kristin
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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