Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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