I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
