My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
