So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
