Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
