my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
