i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
