one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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