i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't deserve a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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