he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
