he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
