my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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