So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
