God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
