I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My pussy is not your playground.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
