You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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