Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
