I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
