New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
