All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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