Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
