I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
