Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
