nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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