when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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