The maid of honor just puked.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
