No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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