I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
