go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
