mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
