ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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