just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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