i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
