I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
