i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
