he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
