I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize