Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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