I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
